Much in league with blogs with greater notoriety than myself, I’ve decided to get somewhat into the holiday spirit of a holiday I truly hate. However, even as Grinchy as I am I cannot deny the good fun had at such events. While I hate the actual holiday, I think Xmas parties are the perfect time to invite everyone over and allow them to either:
A) Have some quiet time to relax away from the buzz of the season.
B) Let them get shitfaced.
All that aside, I’d love to invite some of my idols in the music world to a shindig at my place. While I feel I’d be a terrible host, offering horrible food and less to drink than they’re accustomed to, I know I’d relish the opportunity to pick their brain and swap stories with some of the people that grace my eardrums during the week.
So, without further adieu…
The Guest List
10. Axl Rose (Guns N’ Roses)
Simply put, I’d invite the son of a bitch over, and refuse him entry into the most ill’nest party this side of Rite Aid until he handed over a finished copy of Chinese Democracy. The holidays bring out the beast in people, and I’m no exception.
9. Meg White (The White Stripes)
I suppose every party needs that girl who’s so ugly she’s cute. Meg is that girl times a million. Not to mention she’d probably be the one girl that would come in the most hideous Christmas sweater known to man. Chances are, it’d be red and white.
8. Kirk Hammett (Metallica)
As the only sane member of Metallica, Kirk has a special place in my heart. While I’d probably initially grill him about the progress of their next album, I think Kirk is one of the people that would need to de-stress more than anyone. Hang around Lars Ulrich long enough, I think anyone would go crazy.
7. Davey Havok (AFI)
Were Davey Havok to come to my party, I’d just need to stand him in the corner and drape lights over him. There’s no need to buy a Christmas tree due to the fact that his ridiculous make up would bring enough color to the room. Oh, and he’d have to sing “Love Like Winter” all night long.
6. Karen O (Yeah Yeah Yeahs)
There’s always one woman that decides to get smashed and lead the festivities in karaoke, eventually ending up puking in the toilet half way into the night. I think Karen O would be superb at this, and she’d love me like I love her for it.
5. Prince
Prince would bring the party. The dancing, the music, the women, and the FUNK would all burst through my small apartment doors all courtesy of the Purple One. No one really comes close to the unbridled energy of this guy and that’s what precisely what my party needs.
4. Rivers Cuomo (Weezer)
Every party needs a wallflower and Rivers Cuomo is the quintessential wallflower. And much like he describes his second album as “being drunk at a party and spilling your guts out” I’m sure the same thing would happen here. Rivers, it’s ok. You can cry in my arms and I’ll do my best to talk you through it.
3. Matt Skiba (Alkaline Trio)
Much like Rivers’ unflinching honesty, every party needs an angry bitter drunk. They need a person that will scare everyone else with how much beer they’ve been drinking because of their toxic relationships. I hope Matt won’t mind flying into SFO from O’Hare.
2. Amanda Palmer (The
I need to know that there is at least one attractive girl that might get plastered and want to make out under the mistletoe.
1. Jesse Lacey (Brand New)
Big surprise, my musical idol makes the top of the list. It’s selfish, but so is the entire premise of this list. Chances are, I’d ignore all my guests and just pick his brain about his music, his band, and his thoughts until he left and I was stuck cleaning up after everyone. And who knows, maybe he’d get up there for a rendition of “O Holy Night” before the evening ended.
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